Engagement: The hype & what I've learned

I've been engaged for just shy of a month, and oh what a glorious month it's been! Stephen and I have been extremely lucky in our wedding planning and engagement season - so far, things have been accomplished smoothly and easily, with stress and tension running low. We seem to be an anomaly, as people ask us often if we're nervous or stressed, if we're ready for the anxiety to kick it, and it's brought to light what the wedding industry has turned engagement into for so many people.

I've seen a lot of my friends celebrate engagements and weddings recently, and though I believe wholeheartedly that they are earnest in their plans and joy, I see a different side of the industry. We have to show off our rings, take exquisite engagements pictures, reserve the best venue complete with the best catering, and put our own individual stamp on the festivities at every opportunity, just to name a few of the ever-growing expectations.

Here's the thing - none of this stuff is intrinsically negative, but when all of our efforts are put into the perfect wedding, they become a competition. And what I've learned, having survived a serious heartbreak, a move across the world, and all the other normal ups and downs that accompany growing up, is that sometimes competition is good. But sometimes it isn't.

And I would say that it's safe to say that when the thing at hand is a marriage, - not just a wedding, but a lifetime together - competition is unhealthy.

So here's our goal for the remainder of this sweet season. We're planning a small, understated ceremony, focusing more on tradition than showmanship. We want to love each other well, continuing to learn about and serve each other, regardless of plans or finances or distance. We want to complain little and rejoice often, remaining grateful for the good gifts we've been given and will continue to receive. We want to be a reminder to other couples that no matter how your circumstances change, your team doesn't have to. And we want to stay humble in an effort to glean wisdom from our friends who've been there, done that, so to speak.

There's a lot I don't know yet, but I don't believe that discounts the things of which I'm certain. And today what I'm certain of is that engagement is delightful and marriage is sure to bring a joy all its own, but it's far more important for Stephen and me to nourish our relationship than to nourish the highlights we show to the world.